“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today is the first day of what I view as the long haul.

My classes begin tomorrow. I am going back to school to get my bachelor degree. Sometimes, I think that I'm completely insane for doing this. I've been accepted to the health sciences college that is part of our local hospital, to study Respiratory Therapy. However, that program is in the middle of transitioning from an associate degree program to a bachelor program, so the junior level won't be offered until next year. In the meantime, I'm taking a year at the community college to get any prereqs out of the way (anatomy, ethics, medical terminology, and stats). I could have taken these courses at the other school, but it would have cost me $17,000 more. Easy choice. I'm a little worried because two of my classes are online, but I think I can handle it. I'm just going to have to get really OCD about scheduling my time. Because on top of a full time student course load, I have....

Work/Study Which is part of my financial aid. I'm working at the art museum, in their hands on kids room. I've only worked two days, and it's been fun but I haven't really gotten to do what we'll be doing most of the time because we're at a weird place with schools starting up and summer winding down. Once the schools are all open, a lot of what we do will be guiding groups that have come on field trips through various crafts and activities. I'm looking forward to it, because as much as I love getting paid to color, I've been pretty bored. The people all seem really nice too, which is a big relief. I was talking to the woman who is in charge of the summer camps (actually she's in charge of all school and outreach stuff) and she mentioned that she needs someone who can go into the schools and teach art classes, and I volunteered myself, only to learn that it's a paid position. She asked me to send her my resume, and I did. She's on vacay until the 27th though so I won't even know if I get an interview until then. Which sucks, I hate the waiting game.

 In other real job news, I'm kinda-sorta thinking about nannying some. Work/study should pay me enough to pay bills but that's it so I really need some other source of income to spend and save. I'll probably babysit occasionally, and there is one family I might work for a few hours a week, but if I get that art teacher position, and it pays me enough, it'd be easier not to have to work a bunch of random jobs. But I also don't really want to wait until the 27th to hear about that job and miss good opportunities in the meantime. I guess I'm on the fence. 


Married life is fantastic. Though, admittedly, not that different from unmarried life. Not relationship-wise at least. I've got a lot of new things starting right now, but we planned it this way. We wanted the stress of planning a wedding out of the way before I started this new journey. It's nice to know that I have a husband who will love and support me when this gets hard. Cause it's gonna be hard. I'm mildly terrified of my career, but I keep reminding myself that this is WHY you go to school- to prepare. I had an interesting talk with my father in law about it, particularly about people dying, and he reminded me that after a certain point, it's out of my hands. Also, I've never have to face it alone. When it's happening, I'll have a whole team of professionals working with me, and afterword I'll have my husman and my BFF and my fambily. :)

“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”

GOOD MORNING BLOGGER! I'm home on a sick day, killing time before my doctor's appointment, and decided I wanted to write a blog about the fact that I'm getting married! Super excited! Planning has been really fun and things are falling into place quite well. It's going to be loverly. 

We had our first meeting with the minister to discuss ceremony stuff, and she sent us this long questionnaire that is harder than expected. But we're gonna tackle it a little bit at a time. Meeting with her made me sad though. Don't get me wrong, she's wonderful and her company is perfect, we're really getting a dream wedding. I just had a very clear idea in my head, up until about 6 months ago, of who would be marrying us. And that person is no longer a part of my life anymore, probably doesn't even know I'm getting married. She's wrapped up in her own life, her jobs and her child and her pregnancy. And honestly, I feel abandoned. When she "dumped" me, I tried to believe that she was doing what she thought was the right thing, that she thought she was just mama-birding me out of the nest. But that's not how I feel. I felt lost for a while, and I'm still kind of lacking in direction about some things, things that I would have turned to her and only her about. And having that meeting really made me feel that loss. I try not to dwell on it because until I find a way to forgive her on my own, I really shouldn't talk to her anyways... so there's no point. Plus, MR, he's a part of me. And I felt like she didn't accept him. More than that, she put me in a position where I had to choose between him and her.  And how dare she! Of course I chose him, as I will every single time. She was wrong to make me choose. 

Anyways, moving on. It's about time for me to get ready to leave anyways. Meh.   

Book Review: Myst: The Book of T'iana by Rand and Robyn Miller (Spoilers)

Myst was a book that I had fairly high expectations for from the start. MR wanted me to read it, saying that I would fall in love with the world that the book was set in. It's actually the second in a set of 3, but apparently the books aren't exactly a series, so it didn't matter that I hadn't read the first one. It was originally a video game, and apparently I can get it for my iphone for five bucks... I'm very tempted to get it. I'm on the fence though, because to be honest, the book was a huge letdown. There were parts of the book that I really liked, such as the whole concept behind the D'Ni books, and the Ages. But the book was WAYYYYYY too long and didn't get in to any one topic enough, and I would have loved to know more about the books (I'm also tempted to read the third books, since it is called The Book of D'Ni). I also would have liked significantly more character development. The book spans something like 30 years and the characters don't develop at all. There were so many scenes in the books where I should have been moved to tears, feeling their struggles and fears, right there with them when they made the hard decisions, joyful at their triumphs, devastated by their losses. But I wasn't. Because I was not attached to the characters. I think it might have had to do with the noticeable lack of dialogue. The book reads as snippets of events on a timeline. The authors would tell you that something was going to happen, then just move on to the next thing that happens in the plot, completely bypassing the actual happening of the events. If they had picked fewer events and elaborated more, building the dialogue up and forming relationships, it would have allowed us to know the characters, and to care about what they were going through, to feel what they felt and escape into a world where we live their experiences. I think this book has a lot of room for improvement. It was good enough to tempt me to read the 3rd and play the game, but it won't be a book I love or read again and again. Bummer.

"He's not tough enough to have a vagina. I'll kick him in the balls instead."

I find that it's a quote that usually inspires me to write a blog post, and this particular one comes from my best friend, who cracks me up. You can enjoy her hilarity here. 

My friend has the worst taste in men boys. Seriously. Every single one of the  boys I have even remotely interacted with is such a douche that I wanted to stab him in his eye. There was one who was so cocky about beating her at this one video game that she came into my bedroom (we used to live together, we don't anymore) and woke me up to get me to come kick his ass at it and shut him up. I did. It was fantastic. 

The "best" thing about these boys is that they REFUSE to take a hint a back off when she tells them to. Even when she goes way beyond hinting and straight up tells them to eff off. They just attach themselves to her like leeches, and we have to practically exorcise them to get rid of them. Its insane. Or maybe they're insane. Or she's insane. We're all insane really....

The only good thing to come from it is that we get to make up lots of insulting names about them. And our creativity knows no bounds in that department. Hours of entertainment right there.  

Now, I will be the first to admit that it's doing to take a damn good man for me to think he's good enough for my bestie. But they're out there, I know they are, because I hooked myself one and while he's practically perfect in every way, he's also just a normal guy. So why the douchebag parade marching down the main street that is her love life? I can reason this out in a lot of ways. One being she has horrible taste in men. Another is that boys are jerks. Whatever the case may be, it's exhausting trying to figure out what makes them think that the way they behave is in any wayshapeorform a good idea or even remotely acceptable. But I guess I think the same thing about a lot of females I meet too. In general, actually, people really piss me off. Let's just leave it at that. 

In the words of Betty White: Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding. 

“Maybe I've moved to the dark side, but it's clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.” ― Jen Lancaster, Jeneration X: One Reluctant Adult's Attempt to Unarrest Her Arrested Development; Or, Why It's Never Too Late for Her Dumb Ass to Learn Why Froot Loops Are Not for Dinner

[I think I'm gonna have to read that book...] speaking of books, I'm going to take a page out of my best friend's book (or blog rather) and use her form of abbreviations, and so I will be referring to my boyfriend as MR, since he's my mister. (:

Now for the big news! I have been accepted at a great school to study a great program, I'll get my bachelor's degree, and in a field where I will pretty much automatically have a great job making great money. I'm thrilled. MR is thrilled. MR's family is thrilled. My parents.... well, I think it's just all happening kind of fast for them and they haven't wrapped their heads around it yet because they don't feel like they have any/all of the information. But I'm going to visit them this weekend, so I can answer their 4.6 billion questions. Yay. 

Anyways, this lead to a discussion between MR and I about a particular moment that he and I have both experienced in the past year or so. We see this as a "growing up" moment. It happened for him when he was able to quit his job for a better job, a career job and not a temporary job. This moment for me was accepting this program, this degree, this career path. It's gonna be a lot of hard work, but it's such a golden opportunity that I've embraced it with both hands and jumped into the deep end with both feet, and when we talk about it's something I AM doing not something I COULD do or and GOING to do. And it has really made me much more optimistic about where my life is headed. I'm excited, and honestly- scared out of my mind. But I most definitely cannot allow this opportunity to pass me by just because I am scared. 

Until school starts in the fall, I'm going to be waiting tables and counting down the weeks until the vacation MR and I have planned!! Sooooo excited.   

BElieve THEre is GOOD in the world.

Today is the first day I don't want to go to my new job. I like my job, working in a call center for a catalog. I didn't think I would like it as much as I do, but I have had mostly really good interactions with the customers. And I like the people I work with, at least all the ones who matter. There is one guy who reminds me very strongly of someone I don't like, and therefore I cannot stand, even though he is a relatively nice guy (I think he's faking it). Anyways, yesterday and today I'm not actually working, I'm in customer service training. And frankly, yesterday sucked. I really like the woman who was teaching us, but she is a very to the point person, and even though she told us that they understand that the first week we were on the floor we weren't fully trained and that everything we've done before our customer service training is forgiven (and that we had better step up and do well once we're done), and even though I realize they could not have taught us all this on top of the stuff they taught us in our first week of training without our heads exploding, it still sucks to hear stuff you know you were doing wrong. I'm trying not to dwell on it because nothing I've done is a big deal, but it still made a nice little stress ball appear in my stomach that didn't go away until after work when I came home and had a nice bowl of potato soup (progresso, 4 pts on weight watchers).

Oh, yea, I'm doing weight watchers. In the meetings, with my boyfriend's mom. And I have been pleasantly surprised by the fact that I've lost weight both weeks we've done it, especially when I was sure I wasn't going have lost any. It honestly doesn't feel like a diet, I really do pretty much eat what I want, its all about portions and budget. I've lost 4 lbs.

Anyways, really don't want to go to work. I don't feel very good at all. Boyfriend is getting sick, and girl I babysit is sick, and I feel like I'm getting it too. I don't want to call out though, for multiple reasons. One, I don't want to call out today because I don't feel good and then feel way worse later and need the day off more. Two, I'm seasonally employed and I'm trying to get hired on part time after Christmas, and missing days won't work in my favor. Three, I don't want to miss out on the information and training they're doing today. So I'm gonna go. It's only a 5 hr shift, so I'm gonna try to tough it out. Plus, I feel like going and getting sent home is way better than not going, if worse comes to worst. I'm also considering the possibility that my bad mood when I left work yesterday is playing tricks on me and making me think I'm sick when I'm not. Oh, and its shark week. 

After work today, and after boyfriend gets off work, we're going to my parents house, for thanksgiving tomorrow. I'm happy. I've been with my boyfriend since January, so its been really great having all of our first holidays together. Then Friday I work, and Saturday we're going to watch the HOKIES stop the HOOS. Then we're going to get a christmas tree!!! (: I love christmas.

Stress level: extreme. It's like she was a jar with the lid screwed on too tight, and inside the jar were pickles, angry pickles, and they were fermenting, and about to explode.

I hate uncertainty. Really, I do. I like order and having a plan. Hell, I even like routine most of the time. So when things are the way they are right now, it very much stresses me out. Here's what's been going down since my last post (brace yourself, the last post was in MAY!):

Well, for one, I recently moved. Houses, and cities, to a place I've never lived before but have been to many times. In comparison to where I was before, this city is HUGE. I'm so excited about it because it offers so many opportunities. For work, and for play. Also, instead of a crappy run down apartment, shared with 3 other girls, I'm in a charming little farmhouse on my boyfriend's parent's land. Living, as you may have guessed, with my wonderful boyfriend. I cannot explain to you how nice it is not to have everything I own shoved into one room. I'm still unpacking, and arranging and organizing things, and there is a LOT of that I want to do, but I'm in no rush since pretty much everything essential is out. 

Speaking of that wonderful boyfriend, we have now been living together over two months, and it has been going way better than I ever expected! I lived with an ex when he and I were dating, (and I know it's not fair to compare the two, because really, they're nothing alike, but still) and it did NOT go well. AT ALL. We fought all the time. But boyfriend and I don't. Maybe it's because I didn't move into his space and he didn't move into mine, we moved into an empty house where we each have our own office as well as the shared space of the kitchen/bedroom/bathroom/living room/dining room. Maybe it's just because we are freaking meant to be. Whatever the case may be, he makes me happy as a clam. (I never understood that phrase... but whatever.) 

So I've got the house. I've got the man. I've even lost a little weight. All of those aspects of my life are awesome. Oh we even got a kitten (Tasslehoff Purrfoot). The part that is stressing me out is the job. I am a nanny. I love it, truly I do. Except for one thing: it is unreliable. I've gone through so many families recently (okay like 4...) and currently have two jobs. I work from 6:15-7:30 for one (that will end in December) and 8-5 for the other. This other however, may no longer exist as of tomorrow. But I will not know this until later tonight. That is what I call stressful. Luckily Job 1 pays me enough for me to pay my bills, so it's not like I'm going to be totally screwed, but I would really like to have more than just barely enough to get by. I would really like to have a savings account, and a "rainy day fund" of about 6 months worth of bills/rent. But even working two jobs, I am living pay check to pay check. And job 2 didn't even pay me last week. And they haven't paid me this week either so if the mom decides to quit her job I'm still going to have to drive 30 minutes there and 30 minutes back to pick up pay for the last two weeks. And I'm going to set all of that aside so that I can pay my rent. (I will get two more pay checks from job 1 this month, and by saving all of job 2's pay this week then I will have 1 pay check from job 1 this week and 1/2 a pay check from job 1 the next two weeks as spending money for food and gas and whatnot.) I know everything is going to be okay. I know I'm not really in a bind. But the not knowing is killing me. It's killing the mom that I work for too, which is why they're making a decision tonight. 


So all of this had lead me to make a decision of my own. Even if I do decide to get another second job nannying, I'm going to look at a technical school here tomorrow. I want to go back to school and get a bachelors degree and masters degree and become an occupational therapist, but that many more years of school (at LEAST 3) is NOT appealing to me, and expensive. So if I do a 9 month program at a technical school and get into a steady job (ideally with benefits) that will allow me not only to pay my bills, but to save up some money and (again ideally) pay for school when I decide to go back, I will be much happier. I'm looking at a massage therapy program, but it is going to be tough to sell my dad on it since he does not consider that a "real job" (in my opinion, if I am making real steady money its a real job) but I'm hoping that since he's heard of and even suggested the school (albeit, for a different program) I can convince him. I'm also hoping for some financial aid, but that is tricky since my dad claims me on his taxes. We'll see. I have an appt at 3:45 tomorrow to go and have what they call a "career planning session" (all I called for was tuition rates, which she wouldn't give me, and the length of the program, which she did... they're tricky). If it goes well, I might be able to be in the next program they start. 


Off to a dinner party that was supposed to be at my house, but the weather had different plans. 

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