Wednesday, May 1, 2013

“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”

GOOD MORNING BLOGGER! I'm home on a sick day, killing time before my doctor's appointment, and decided I wanted to write a blog about the fact that I'm getting married! Super excited! Planning has been really fun and things are falling into place quite well. It's going to be loverly. 

We had our first meeting with the minister to discuss ceremony stuff, and she sent us this long questionnaire that is harder than expected. But we're gonna tackle it a little bit at a time. Meeting with her made me sad though. Don't get me wrong, she's wonderful and her company is perfect, we're really getting a dream wedding. I just had a very clear idea in my head, up until about 6 months ago, of who would be marrying us. And that person is no longer a part of my life anymore, probably doesn't even know I'm getting married. She's wrapped up in her own life, her jobs and her child and her pregnancy. And honestly, I feel abandoned. When she "dumped" me, I tried to believe that she was doing what she thought was the right thing, that she thought she was just mama-birding me out of the nest. But that's not how I feel. I felt lost for a while, and I'm still kind of lacking in direction about some things, things that I would have turned to her and only her about. And having that meeting really made me feel that loss. I try not to dwell on it because until I find a way to forgive her on my own, I really shouldn't talk to her anyways... so there's no point. Plus, MR, he's a part of me. And I felt like she didn't accept him. More than that, she put me in a position where I had to choose between him and her.  And how dare she! Of course I chose him, as I will every single time. She was wrong to make me choose. 

Anyways, moving on. It's about time for me to get ready to leave anyways. Meh.   

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