Hate might even be too nice of a word. As you might have noticed from my previous posts, our house is a freaking pigsty. I'm not kidding. The smell is so bad it makes me gag. There's consistently dog crap and pee on the floor and the kitchen is downright unusable because there are always dishes in the sink and on the counter.
Now, I have three roommates. A, B, C.
A is a slob, but she keeps it all in her room, in her space. She never does anything that bothers anyone or gets in anyone's way. Great. Fine. No problem.
B says that she is a neat freak. Her room is usually a disaster, but whatever that's her space, when it bothers her she cleans it.
C is downright disgusting, has no idea how to clean up after herself, and literally expects other people to do it.
Since I moved in last August, we have had at least 3 "house meetings", trying to work out issues, almost always dealing with cleaning. Anytime we come to any kind of conclusion, it is basically ignored and nothing changes. At one point, C printed out a chore chart and stuck it on the fridge. She never approached me (idk if she asked anyone else), never asked me if I agreed to a chore chart, never asked me if I would follow it. Just stuck it up there and expected me to clean up after everyone else according to what she deemed my chore for that week. So, I ignored it, and continued to do what I always do, and clean up after myself immaculately. You have to understand, I hand wash and put away every single dish I use. Literally NONE of the mess in the common areas belongs to me, therefore I will not clean it up. I live with three ADULT women, and they should each be responsible for their own mess.
Well, nothing was working. So two weeks ago I sat down with B, and talked to her about the dishes and laundry. I was told that she was just as frustrated with the mess as I was, and that absolutely none of it was hers, that it was all C.
So I came up with some solutions. One being that we divided the days of the week into equal parts, two days for B, two days for C, two days for me, and one day for A since she never does laundry anyways. And those two days would be our days to use the washing machine and dryer to do our laundry. I also suggested that we agree not to leave dishes in the sink for more than 24 hours, and that anything left longer than that would be put into whoever's bedroom the mess belonged to. For example, if C had a stack of plates in the sink for two days, we would put them in a trash bag or something (for protection from the animals) and put in her room until she had the time to clean them. When I was sitting down talking to B, she agreed to these things and said she would talk to C about which days she wanted.
Two weeks go by. C has started to clean the kitchen and the living room carpet (which was quite literally saturated with pee). I think that's great. But I also think that we need some kind of standard, or rules, so that things STAY consistently clean. So today I sent out a facebook message asking which days everyone wanted, and making my suggestion for a solution to the dishes. I am going to copy and paste my message, as well as every one's response. I am not going to change or edit them, except to protect names.
MY MESSAGE:
Now, I have three roommates. A, B, C.
A is a slob, but she keeps it all in her room, in her space. She never does anything that bothers anyone or gets in anyone's way. Great. Fine. No problem.
B says that she is a neat freak. Her room is usually a disaster, but whatever that's her space, when it bothers her she cleans it.
C is downright disgusting, has no idea how to clean up after herself, and literally expects other people to do it.
Since I moved in last August, we have had at least 3 "house meetings", trying to work out issues, almost always dealing with cleaning. Anytime we come to any kind of conclusion, it is basically ignored and nothing changes. At one point, C printed out a chore chart and stuck it on the fridge. She never approached me (idk if she asked anyone else), never asked me if I agreed to a chore chart, never asked me if I would follow it. Just stuck it up there and expected me to clean up after everyone else according to what she deemed my chore for that week. So, I ignored it, and continued to do what I always do, and clean up after myself immaculately. You have to understand, I hand wash and put away every single dish I use. Literally NONE of the mess in the common areas belongs to me, therefore I will not clean it up. I live with three ADULT women, and they should each be responsible for their own mess.
Well, nothing was working. So two weeks ago I sat down with B, and talked to her about the dishes and laundry. I was told that she was just as frustrated with the mess as I was, and that absolutely none of it was hers, that it was all C.
So I came up with some solutions. One being that we divided the days of the week into equal parts, two days for B, two days for C, two days for me, and one day for A since she never does laundry anyways. And those two days would be our days to use the washing machine and dryer to do our laundry. I also suggested that we agree not to leave dishes in the sink for more than 24 hours, and that anything left longer than that would be put into whoever's bedroom the mess belonged to. For example, if C had a stack of plates in the sink for two days, we would put them in a trash bag or something (for protection from the animals) and put in her room until she had the time to clean them. When I was sitting down talking to B, she agreed to these things and said she would talk to C about which days she wanted.
Two weeks go by. C has started to clean the kitchen and the living room carpet (which was quite literally saturated with pee). I think that's great. But I also think that we need some kind of standard, or rules, so that things STAY consistently clean. So today I sent out a facebook message asking which days everyone wanted, and making my suggestion for a solution to the dishes. I am going to copy and paste my message, as well as every one's response. I am not going to change or edit them, except to protect names.
MY MESSAGE:
Hey everyone. I am going to make a chart of which days are who's for laundry. So far, I know A would take Mondays, and I'll take Sundays and Thursdays, leaving two days for B, and two days for C. If you could let me know which days you want, I'll have the chart ready to be signed by everyone and hung above the machines tomorrow when I get home from house-sitting. If you don't want things you leave in/on the machines put on your bed, then please either have a hamper, or if you'd like, the clothes can be put in a trash bag (for protection) and placed in your room. If an emergency comes up, then let's say we just ask whoever's day it is to use the machines, and we get our things out as soon as they are done.
As far as the dishes go, at this point any sort of division of responsibilities isn't working, and its clear that everyone needs to be responsible for cleaning up their own mess. I propose that we set a 24 hour limit to dishes in the sink, and if they are not cleaned up after that time, they too can be placed in a trash bag (again, for protection) and put in each individual's room until that person has time to deal with them. This is because the kitchen is unusable with dishes piled in and around the sink. Since we have so little counter space as it is, A and I will clean out the stuff we aren't using in the cabinets so that we can put things on the counter's away and keep the counter space clean and clear.
I think that these solutions will help to lower frustration levels and make the common areas more equally useable by everyone. I'm trying to keep this as low-drama as possible, but we really do need some sort of structure, and everyone's cooperation is important.
Please send me your choices of laundry days ASAP, as well as you're "okay" on the other plans, and then we can give them a shot starting tomorrow. Thanks (: See you tomorrow.
As far as the dishes go, at this point any sort of division of responsibilities isn't working, and its clear that everyone needs to be responsible for cleaning up their own mess. I propose that we set a 24 hour limit to dishes in the sink, and if they are not cleaned up after that time, they too can be placed in a trash bag (again, for protection) and put in each individual's room until that person has time to deal with them. This is because the kitchen is unusable with dishes piled in and around the sink. Since we have so little counter space as it is, A and I will clean out the stuff we aren't using in the cabinets so that we can put things on the counter's away and keep the counter space clean and clear.
I think that these solutions will help to lower frustration levels and make the common areas more equally useable by everyone. I'm trying to keep this as low-drama as possible, but we really do need some sort of structure, and everyone's cooperation is important.
Please send me your choices of laundry days ASAP, as well as you're "okay" on the other plans, and then we can give them a shot starting tomorrow. Thanks (: See you tomorrow.
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A's RESPONSE:
Okay that sounds great! :) I'll totally take Mondays! See you tomorrow!
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C's RESPONSE #1:
NO! "I want to keep this drama-free" is a load of crap and i'll give you a big fat "fuck you" in response
This is bullshit. Maybe the others will bend over and take it in the ass from you and be satisfied with hating your guts later but you know that shit wont fly with me. You knew I don't put up with your crap.
C's RESPONSE #2:
You may put my cloths on top of the dryer or on my bed as previously agreed upon.
I know you've fried whatever brain cells you had but try and tap into that memory one and remember that i already made a chart. for chores and you and your coniving, sneaky little ways refused to do them and forcedA to refuse to.
Dishes got alil packed lately bcuz B wants to eat healthier, if you need a definition of "healthier" let me know, so they got alil stacked up. Shes working on it.
I know your employer and i guess everywhere else you live has been just a step down from the ritz but we have a shit-ton of counter space! If I can watch B make chicken cassarole with every vegetable god put on this earth, eggs cooked in a seperate pan, shit diced and chopped, etc with the same counter, the world will move on without another attempt at dic(k)tatorism in this house.
I did the dishes yesterday and B did them the beginging of last week and my guest started doing them at the end of last week. The picture is attached. We have shit to do on a daily basis and don't have time to think how we can piss others off today.
You wanna talk about a problem try bringing up your decision to not paint your room back? and let me just answer that for you, you're going to and if you decide not to still, i will paint it for you the way it is now including all your crap in the room.
You put one dish in my room or anyone elses i will take that dish and instead of breaking it because it may be one of mine i will use it in the middle of the night..lets say 2-4am? right out side your window or door to make sure your know exactly what i wish i could hear when you tell me what to do.
We couldn't keep from starting shit could we? You knew what would happen and for your future's sake i hope you relize your running out of ppl to bend over for you.
I know you've fried whatever brain cells you had but try and tap into that memory one and remember that i already made a chart. for chores and you and your coniving, sneaky little ways refused to do them and forcedA to refuse to.
Dishes got alil packed lately bcuz B wants to eat healthier, if you need a definition of "healthier" let me know, so they got alil stacked up. Shes working on it.
I know your employer and i guess everywhere else you live has been just a step down from the ritz but we have a shit-ton of counter space! If I can watch B make chicken cassarole with every vegetable god put on this earth, eggs cooked in a seperate pan, shit diced and chopped, etc with the same counter, the world will move on without another attempt at dic(k)tatorism in this house.
I did the dishes yesterday and B did them the beginging of last week and my guest started doing them at the end of last week. The picture is attached. We have shit to do on a daily basis and don't have time to think how we can piss others off today.
You wanna talk about a problem try bringing up your decision to not paint your room back? and let me just answer that for you, you're going to and if you decide not to still, i will paint it for you the way it is now including all your crap in the room.
You put one dish in my room or anyone elses i will take that dish and instead of breaking it because it may be one of mine i will use it in the middle of the night..lets say 2-4am? right out side your window or door to make sure your know exactly what i wish i could hear when you tell me what to do.
We couldn't keep from starting shit could we? You knew what would happen and for your future's sake i hope you relize your running out of ppl to bend over for you.
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At this point, A and I leave and go to the house, to try to talk to C in person. I realized that any kind of response from me was just going to make her blow up more. So I go to the house, get A to record the entire conversation on video, and talk to her. B is out of town, and I am told that C was messaging her the entire conversation keeping her up to date. I don't know what she said or what B's response was, and I don't even want to think about it, because I'm sure it will make me feel teamed up on. As soon as I received the original response from C, I tried to call B but she's out of range so I was only able to text her. I told her C was blowing up and that I didn't know what to do. She said just to leave her alone. I told her that I was going to try to get C to talk things out with me calmly, but that if she wouldn't then I would call our landlord and have him come mediate, since he is the only one that has any kind of authority over us. She didn't respond.
So I go to the house, and I tell C that I would really like to sit down and work things out, since she was clearly upset and that was not my intention. She agrees and we start the camera running (what better to keep someone on their best behavior than the possibility of lots of people seeing them act like a child?). It takes me AN HOUR AND A HALF to get her to agree to give me ONE day a week to do my laundry without other people trying to compete over the use of the machines (luckily both B and C are out of the house basically all day Thursdays, so that is my day) and to keep HALF of the sink clean of dishes so that the faucet could be used. I explained to her why I didn't follow her chore chart, and that when I move out I'm moving 100 miles away and not coming back to paint, and that I had offered to hire someone or buy the paint for them or their new roommate if any of them wanted to paint it, but that I was planning on moving in one big trip and wasn't coming back. She was okay with that, and with me buying the paint for them to paint. It took a while, but I felt like she was okay when we left.
So I get back to the house I'm watching over spring break, and have this message in my inbox from B.
B's RESPONSE:
Ok, [ME], you had to start something without asking if I had discussed things with C. You haven't even been home this week to see that C has been doing dishes and working really hard to clean the living room. As far as dividing chores up, I would like you to recall that we tried that once and you didn't like it. We had a perfectly good chore chart, but you didn't like it because you didn't make it. The idea of bagging up dishes and placing them in someone elses room is disgusting. If they are in your way, put them somewhere else. I'm not entirely sure why the mess bothers you because you never come out and use the "common areas".
If you feel the need to get [landlord] involved, go for it.
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I decided that continuing in the shared message was just going to cause already solved problems to escalate, so I sent her a private message. It's long, but this is what I said: (names excluded, or replaced with letters)
My PRIVATE RESPONSE to B:
I just sat down and spent an hour and a half talking this out with C , but I just got back and saw your response and I'm not sure where it came from.
I hear one thing from you and the completely opposite thing from her. She says its you, you say its her.
I don't use the common areas because they're disgusting, yet i pay for a quarter of an apartment not a bedroom.
and I wanted a chart saying "____ monday, ____ tuesday, _____ thursday..." as in saying which two days were whos to use the washing machine, not that anyone should do anyone else's laundry. not a chore chart. just an equal division of time to use the common machines. I think i have the right to use the common areas. i think that every person has the right to an equal amount of time to use the washing machine.
the reason i didn't follow C's previous chore chart was because I was not even asked if i agreed to it, and i never agreed to it, and the entire time it was up i continued to clean up only after myself, which i do. No one ever came to me and said "we should have a chore chart, will you agree to divide the responsibilities", y'all just printed one out and stuck it on the fridge and expected me to clean up after you without even telling me it was there. so I continued to do as i do and clean up after myself immaculately, you'll notice that NONE of the dishes or mess in the common areas are mine. at all. so i shouldn't be expected to clean up other peoples messes.
i didn't want to have to get [landlord] involved but if i can't even ask for two days a week to do my own laundry, and only get cussed at and threatened when i try to calmly talk to people who else am i supposed to turn to. you tell me that you're just as frustrated that i am, then attack me when i give suggestions for solutions. it took me an HOUR AND A HALF to get ONE day a week to do my laundry, and HALF a sink without dishes in them. yes i agree that putting them in a garbage bag is disgusting, but so it leaving them out in open air. the point of it was that i don't give a damn if you want to be disgusting, just keep it in your room and not in the common areas. since we all moved in, i have asked over and over and over in every way i can think of that people please just clean up after themselves and keep the common areas clean so that everyone can use them. and all that happens is i get screamed at, cussed at, threatened, then keep trying and finally get everyone to say ok, then everything we agree on is ignored and the disgusting-ness continues. and i'm called a dictator and told fuck you because i actively try to come up with solutions. i'm told that talking in person doesn't work so i try online thinking it would give people time to calm down before responding, and when that doesn't work i'm told to talk to people in person. I am trying REALLY hard to be calm, i don't call names, i don't threaten, i don't raise my voice or cuss or anything, yet i'm still the bad guy. and i really don't think its fair.
So after TWO WEEKS of trying many different ways to get everyone to make our apartment not embarrassingly disgusting (would you be comfortable with [landlord], or your parents coming in with the way the house usually is? cause i wouldn't) I'm content to compromise with one day a week to do my laundry and half of the sink left clear so the faucet is useable. I was not "starting things" I was trying to come up with some kind of standard so that now that things are finally getting cleaned they can STAY consistently clean.
I really feel attacked, and disrespected, and hurt because I don't think that I'm being unreasonable. I feel like i'm the only one trying to find permanent solutions and every single time i try all i get is a fight. And I feel like i'm the only one trying to fix any of the problems. I have tried lots of different ways, i tried all sitting down together, talking separately, talking on the phone or online, and again and again i just get told off..
C has told me that she prefers I talk to her individually, in her room. That's fine. What is the best for you? Because your response to this has completely caught me off guard, I was under the impression that you were equally as frustrated with the grossness, and that you agreed with my laundry solution. All I did was make a suggestion that we not leave our dirty dishes in common areas for more than 24 hours, and it took hours to get anyone to give any kind of suggestion for an alternate solution.
At this point I guess I've given up, I'm taking what I can get. But I'm still just blown away by everyone's response and behavior.
I hear one thing from you and the completely opposite thing from her. She says its you, you say its her.
I don't use the common areas because they're disgusting, yet i pay for a quarter of an apartment not a bedroom.
and I wanted a chart saying "____ monday, ____ tuesday, _____ thursday..." as in saying which two days were whos to use the washing machine, not that anyone should do anyone else's laundry. not a chore chart. just an equal division of time to use the common machines. I think i have the right to use the common areas. i think that every person has the right to an equal amount of time to use the washing machine.
the reason i didn't follow C's previous chore chart was because I was not even asked if i agreed to it, and i never agreed to it, and the entire time it was up i continued to clean up only after myself, which i do. No one ever came to me and said "we should have a chore chart, will you agree to divide the responsibilities", y'all just printed one out and stuck it on the fridge and expected me to clean up after you without even telling me it was there. so I continued to do as i do and clean up after myself immaculately, you'll notice that NONE of the dishes or mess in the common areas are mine. at all. so i shouldn't be expected to clean up other peoples messes.
i didn't want to have to get [landlord] involved but if i can't even ask for two days a week to do my own laundry, and only get cussed at and threatened when i try to calmly talk to people who else am i supposed to turn to. you tell me that you're just as frustrated that i am, then attack me when i give suggestions for solutions. it took me an HOUR AND A HALF to get ONE day a week to do my laundry, and HALF a sink without dishes in them. yes i agree that putting them in a garbage bag is disgusting, but so it leaving them out in open air. the point of it was that i don't give a damn if you want to be disgusting, just keep it in your room and not in the common areas. since we all moved in, i have asked over and over and over in every way i can think of that people please just clean up after themselves and keep the common areas clean so that everyone can use them. and all that happens is i get screamed at, cussed at, threatened, then keep trying and finally get everyone to say ok, then everything we agree on is ignored and the disgusting-ness continues. and i'm called a dictator and told fuck you because i actively try to come up with solutions. i'm told that talking in person doesn't work so i try online thinking it would give people time to calm down before responding, and when that doesn't work i'm told to talk to people in person. I am trying REALLY hard to be calm, i don't call names, i don't threaten, i don't raise my voice or cuss or anything, yet i'm still the bad guy. and i really don't think its fair.
So after TWO WEEKS of trying many different ways to get everyone to make our apartment not embarrassingly disgusting (would you be comfortable with [landlord], or your parents coming in with the way the house usually is? cause i wouldn't) I'm content to compromise with one day a week to do my laundry and half of the sink left clear so the faucet is useable. I was not "starting things" I was trying to come up with some kind of standard so that now that things are finally getting cleaned they can STAY consistently clean.
I really feel attacked, and disrespected, and hurt because I don't think that I'm being unreasonable. I feel like i'm the only one trying to find permanent solutions and every single time i try all i get is a fight. And I feel like i'm the only one trying to fix any of the problems. I have tried lots of different ways, i tried all sitting down together, talking separately, talking on the phone or online, and again and again i just get told off..
C has told me that she prefers I talk to her individually, in her room. That's fine. What is the best for you? Because your response to this has completely caught me off guard, I was under the impression that you were equally as frustrated with the grossness, and that you agreed with my laundry solution. All I did was make a suggestion that we not leave our dirty dishes in common areas for more than 24 hours, and it took hours to get anyone to give any kind of suggestion for an alternate solution.
At this point I guess I've given up, I'm taking what I can get. But I'm still just blown away by everyone's response and behavior.
PLEASE understand that I'm not trying to fight with you. I was just really caught off guard by your responses, and am trying to be honest and level with you and understand, and since you're not available to talk it out in person I sent this. If its better, we can wait and sit down and talk when you get back.
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I know this has been a long rant y'all, but I just can't even comprehend why these people are responding and acting the way they are. This is not the first time this girl has blown up at me, cussing, name calling, and threatening me. I really don't think I'm being unreasonable, do you? Because for goodness sake someone PLEASE just be straight with me and tell me. B hasn't responded, and I guess I'm hoping she doesn't so that we can sit down and talk, but at this point if I'm getting opposite stories from B and C, why should I even bother trying if no one is going to be honest with me. I'm really upset about all of this, obviously, and even though I'm trying sooo hard to make things right, I feel like there's nothing else I can do but hang in there for the next few months. I'm really hoping to move out in may... maybe. Depends on if I can find a job or what.
Responses are really welcome with this, please text me or message me or something and let me know what you think. I'm feeling really alone in this, and I'd love it if someone was on my side, or if someone would at least be honest with me and if I am being unreasonable then obviously I need to do some soul searching and figure out what I'm doing wrong and how to fix it.
Doubt I'll be getting much sleep tonight.
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